| I've dabbled in disease and romantic philosophy
Such as love through poverty and abstinence from adultery.
If money makes the world go round
Then love will burn this old town down.
And the birds will scream
"Head South!, Head South!"
If only to escape my filthy lovers mouth.
Sailors beg for my silence
I drink, I stand defiant.
If only to make sure I stand alone.
You lusters claim to read my thoughts
Yet flew away with the flock
Screaming "Head South!,Head South!"
I'll die alone in the north
The frozen barren
what love is worth.
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| Well baby lately I've been leaving this state of mind.
and someday monster I'll leave your sorry soul behind.
Your getting smarter monster so it must be easy to see
You're a creature born of lust and apathy.
Crowned queen of such terrible things.
You've misconstrued pride for shameless debauchery.
Claim to be the queen of hearts, but you're better suited by spades.
So dig your new love an early grave.
You'll never find the rabbit hole while alice has been enslaved.
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| Cold water hits my face
"You're shaking kid is it because your jacket is damp or because you haven't had liquor in your system
in fifteen hours?"
I chalk it up to both.
I walk slowly back to the table filled to bursting with old family members and old acquaintances.
I take my seat that was left vacant for obvious reasons.
Mother to the left young girl to the right cousin close by to wish him a happy birthday.
A diet coke appears in front of me placed there with far to much enthusiasm.
"Anything else?" the waitress smiles sweetly. To sweet in fact and my tooth begins to ache.
"No thanks" I mutter avoiding eye contact and feigning a smile.
I gently brush my tongue over my tooth as if the unnamed waitress had given me a cavity.
FLASH
A camera takes a picture
People laugh.
Is it at me?
Did they catch my awkwardness in some immortal still frame?
I don't look up.
My eyes tear the table metaphorically to splinters.
The plasma television hanging over the bar in the next room buzzes entertaining no one but the other televisions that hang from the wall.
I lean back in my chair and stare at the hockey game that's to far away to really watch.
Pretty girl next to me looks at me. She thinks I'm checking her out. In fact I never saw her face.
I swallow hard and let the chair settle back into it's upright position.
FLASH
More Laughter.
That camera is annoying me.
Someone calls my name in what seems like some far off crescendo.
I close my eyes pretending that the flash momentarily blinded me.
One second passes in what seems an eternity, then two, then three.
Maybe if I shut my eyes long enough they'll think I've fallen asleep I try to convince myself.
"Kevin?"
No dice.
"yeah?" I blink rubbing at my eyes as if fuzzy dots plagued my vision. I'm smart I keep the facade up.
"Do you remember me?" asks the older woman sitting with what appears to be the "family" section of the table.
"uhm no"
She shoots a quizzical look over to my aunt who exchanges the same disgusted look back at me.
They curl their lips and no more is said.
I twiddle my thumbs and attempt to check the score again.
Pretty girl tries to make eye contact. I see a smile riding on her lips.
I fake a received text and begin clicking away on a keyboard that fails to take down a single letter.
"Pretty unconvincing if she glances at the screen" I think to myself.
FLASH
More Laughter from the throats of hyenas.
I'm awkward.
I'm embarrassed
I'm sober.
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| There's nights like these where you don't want to be alone
Nostalgia isn't just some sick part of your past taunting you
You want what was right.
No amount of regret is gunna change that.
Drinking heavily isn't going to solve much.
An early grave's always been an option,
not my style.
So I'm stuck spending all my money on liquids that are just going to mock me tomorrow morning.
I wish there was another person in my bed spinning wildy off into a drunken oblivion.
But I don't fiend for just anyone.
I'm far to sappy for my own good.
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| In a few hours I'll be on the floor
On my knees begging for more
I beg for liquids that help me forget
I pound down my lover my liquid regret.
My drunken mind plots out revenge
on all those times your heart would bend
and you'd feign love for other men.
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