My Personal Dirge.

Days have been better, days have been worse.

I've seen sunny weather, I've seen the rain at it's worst.

I had a companion, she was a sight to behold.

I've stared at the mirror holding my broken nose.

When did I get here? When did I die?

Little sister I love you, oh child don't cry.

Please don't look at me, don't you open the blinds.

Yeah I've got your back girl. Into your life I won't pry.

I dug my own grave, and so proudly I lie.

I made my mistakes, with a grin on my face.

Yeah I was alive once, oh those were the days.

So you live your life now, I'll watch from the grave.

Yeah I'm just a ghost now, part of your memories.

And I won't forget you, when you forget me.

Beyond the horizon.

Mixing addiction with pills and prescription will lead to contradiction of my affliction.

I see the angles that make up her body but the rains left her soggy, 

I'm old and I'm withered so blindingly bitter the letter in the mail said you miss me back home.

I'll come back in a casket, cackling, and coughing, castrated and crippled.

I dove into life but left only a ripple.

If only I was that simple.

She walks and she talks but her legs draw my eye, her red lips spit lies covered in half truths.

My mouth moves but out spills liquids of various proofs.

We find warmth in each others cold arms.

She says she's sure I could breathe fire.

I sit and watch the waves, the way the ocean and the horizon play.

There's nothing out there I can't conceive of but the waves crash and they've never brought me a piece of the endless expanse.

I walk from bar to bar but I never find myself I thought left my mind in a bottle on a shelf.

It must have sunk to the bottom so I drain them down, I spin around and round.

And then I flash back to the way your body curved and I realize I'm driving and I shouldn't swerve but your map showed me all the roads home.

Peter calls my name, Peter begs me in, but I've been on the other side of a gate before and I just didn't fit.

I'd rather hit the guard rail, broken battered and alive, then give up my passion since you've left my life.

I wanna kill myself (but who said it first?)

"I wanna kill myself"

shit, I don't know who said it first

it was either me or the man in the mirror.

A woman's figure draws you in and leaves you empty.

I sit upon a bench, a bus, I'm taking the train,

Scratching my head at how my first said she'd never leave me in the rain,

now I'm covered in rust, my heart's just gathering dust while another one's out enjoying the sun.

"son" He said with a blank expression "seems you suffer from a bit of massive depression."

I didn't need a man to tell me that I'm not alright, I just need a real woman to stare up at the starlight.

I know I blindly feel out with my fragile fingertips to search for another heart but I always end up feeling a breast not beating.

It's their curves that draw me in, it's their eyes that make me sin, but I remember when I promised I'd win.

Shit, maybe I did, maybe by taking the dive into the depths of depression I've found a way out of recession.

You want Romeo and Juliet, but I'm not Shakespeare, I'm young and drunk.

I won't trick you with beautiful words, though I'm capable.

I'll tell you like it is, my words are simple and effective.

Like bricks thrown at your teeth.

So don't call me your prince charming, call my doctor and alarm him,

I'm drinking and I'm writing.

My words are so sharp they cut my tongue and I've only just begun.

Maybe I'm just looking for a girl to shut me up, maybe I'm just looking for a girl to fill my cup.

I stare into his eyes in the mirror but his grin's never been clear to me,

that is until I get a few beers in me.

Then we trade faces and I've become everything I've never been.

Laugh track

It found it's way into my blood when I was very, very young.

and it never ever left.

It's left me reeling on the floor, heart beat racing like a horse.

Bet on me and i'll always, always never come in first.

I've dreamt of the ocean and the sky, and I've seen them through my blood shot eyes.

I've taken it all in and spewed it out, broken finger nails trying to claw out,

but I'll never, ever, never find some peaceful fucking weather.

And they try, they try to help me with their naive plastic smiles, and their half hearted denials.

When I feel this low, I hear the laugh track in my head.

and I wish I was dead or dying.

They all say things will get better, I can't feel like this forever, but all I hear is

"lalalala la la, ooooh lalalala oh ohhhh"

Will you push me down, will you help me up?

Should I try to love you, will we just fuck?

There's melodies in everyone's movements, and everyone's word's are poetry

but it all sounds like shit to me, and it hurts my eyes to watch their robotic movements.

So when I breathe this time I'll inhale the summer sky, and spit back thunder storms into your life.

Valentines

Oh Valentines day, a day for women to feel wanted and men to get laid.

This way we're both fucked but in such a beautiful charade.

Some will say it's a Hallmark holiday, but there's so many ways money is made.

From the blood on those diamonds to child slavery trades.

Oh the joy that is Valentines day.

There are those all alone ingesting their favorite drugs,

passed out on the tear soaked bathroom rug.

There are those with uninspired poems.

Roses red, violets blue,

There are flowers for the colorbrind

I've brought them grey flowers to.