Kevin_is_a_pirate's Xanga

My Personal Dirge.

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 23:20:14 GMT

Days have been better, days have been worse.

I've seen sunny weather, I've seen the rain at it's worst.

I had a companion, she was a sight to behold.

I've stared at the mirror holding my broken nose.

When did I get here? When did I die?

Little sister I love you, oh child don't cry.

Please don't look at me, don't you open the blinds.

Yeah I've got your back girl. Into your life I won't pry.

I dug my own grave, and so proudly I lie.

I made my mistakes, with a grin on my face.

Yeah I was alive once, oh those were the days.

So you live your life now, I'll watch from the grave.

Yeah I'm just a ghost now, part of your memories.

And I won't forget you, when you forget me.

Beyond the horizon.

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 01:33:39 GMT

Mixing addiction with pills and prescription will lead to contradiction of my affliction.

I see the angles that make up her body but the rains left her soggy,

I'm old and I'm withered so blindingly bitter the letter in the mail said you miss me back home.

I'll come back in a casket, cackling, and coughing, castrated and crippled.

I dove into life but left only a ripple.

If only I was that simple.

She walks and she talks but her legs draw my eye, her red lips spit lies covered in half truths.

My mouth moves but out spills liquids of various proofs.

We find warmth in each others cold arms.

She says she's sure I could breathe fire.

I sit and watch the waves, the way the ocean and the horizon play.

There's nothing out there I can't conceive of but the waves crash and they've never brought me a piece of the endless expanse.

I walk from bar to bar but I never find myself I thought left my mind in a bottle on a shelf.

It must have sunk to the bottom so I drain them down, I spin around and round.

And then I flash back to the way your body curved and I realize I'm driving and I shouldn't swerve but your map showed me all the roads home.

Peter calls my name, Peter begs me in, but I've been on the other side of a gate before and I just didn't fit.

I'd rather hit the guard rail, broken battered and alive, then give up my passion since you've left my life.

I wanna kill myself (but who said it first?)

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 02:17:19 GMT

"I wanna kill myself"

shit, I don't know who said it first

it was either me or the man in the mirror.

A woman's figure draws you in and leaves you empty.

I sit upon a bench, a bus, I'm taking the train,

Scratching my head at how my first said she'd never leave me in the rain,

now I'm covered in rust, my heart's just gathering dust while another one's out enjoying the sun.

"son" He said with a blank expression "seems you suffer from a bit of massive depression."

I didn't need a man to tell me that I'm not alright, I just need a real woman to stare up at the starlight.

I know I blindly feel out with my fragile fingertips to search for another heart but I always end up feeling a breast not beating.

It's their curves that draw me in, it's their eyes that make me sin, but I remember when I promised I'd win.

Shit, maybe I did, maybe by taking the dive into the depths of depression I've found a way out of recession.

You want Romeo and Juliet, but I'm not Shakespeare, I'm young and drunk.

I won't trick you with beautiful words, though I'm capable.

I'll tell you like it is, my words are simple and effective.

Like bricks thrown at your teeth.

So don't call me your prince charming, call my doctor and alarm him,

I'm drinking and I'm writing.

My words are so sharp they cut my tongue and I've only just begun.

Maybe I'm just looking for a girl to shut me up, maybe I'm just looking for a girl to fill my cup.

I stare into his eyes in the mirror but his grin's never been clear to me,

that is until I get a few beers in me.

Then we trade faces and I've become everything I've never been.

Laugh track

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 01:36:11 GMT

It found it's way into my blood when I was very, very young.

and it never ever left.

It's left me reeling on the floor, heart beat racing like a horse.

Bet on me and i'll always, always never come in first.

I've dreamt of the ocean and the sky, and I've seen them through my blood shot eyes.

I've taken it all in and spewed it out, broken finger nails trying to claw out,

but I'll never, ever, never find some peaceful fucking weather.

And they try, they try to help me with their naive plastic smiles, and their half hearted denials.

When I feel this low, I hear the laugh track in my head.

and I wish I was dead or dying.

They all say things will get better, I can't feel like this forever, but all I hear is

"lalalala la la, ooooh lalalala oh ohhhh"

Will you push me down, will you help me up?

Should I try to love you, will we just fuck?

There's melodies in everyone's movements, and everyone's word's are poetry

but it all sounds like shit to me, and it hurts my eyes to watch their robotic movements.

So when I breathe this time I'll inhale the summer sky, and spit back thunder storms into your life.

Valentines

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:11:59 GMT

Oh Valentines day, a day for women to feel wanted and men to get laid.

This way we're both fucked but in such a beautiful charade.

Some will say it's a Hallmark holiday, but there's so many ways money is made.

From the blood on those diamonds to child slavery trades.

Oh the joy that is Valentines day.

There are those all alone ingesting their favorite drugs,

passed out on the tear soaked bathroom rug.

There are those with uninspired poems.

Roses red, violets blue,

There are flowers for the colorbrind

I've brought them grey flowers to.

Salt Water Nights

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 02:33:46 GMT

I sit consumed

and I stare up at the influence.

I bounce in and out of my consciousness.

I begin to black out and go back to the sea.

Back to the night she sat across from me, our words are lost to time,

but for years this image has made my heart rhyme.

She smiles sweetly and I know desire,

acoustic sounds ring out next to the fire.

I snap back and I'm alone on this couch, watching an hourglass bleed out.

"Take me back." I pray.

I close my eyes and smell the sea, and just like that she's back to me.

Someone purrs in my ear,

"Hey there cutie, it's cold in here let's head back to my bed for a beer."

But I'm no longer on that couch, I'm at the beach outside that house.

Her mouth moves and I can't recall the words.

I can still see those lips forming verbs.

I wake up on the couch.

The taste of salt water on my mouth.

Stigmatizing

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:09:26 GMT

Staring out the dorm window, the cities full and I'm alone.

Blood drips off my knuckles and spreads out on my sheets, I press my tongue to my cheek.

I curse the demons in my head, I pray for angels in my bed,

Their curves and wings caught up in my horns.

I've learned the language of the dead, but these words are the only thing keeping me alive.

Someone says " I love you dear", but they say it with such fear.

These mortals whisper secret lullabies, asleep they live and dream they're kings.

I smile on and drink my wine, I've become content with time.

My cups half empty, my cups half full.

I smash the cup and inhale the fumes.

I watch my house burn down and think of you.

I smile my damnedest, accept my brand and I move.

I've been let loose

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 07:54:43 GMT

I've been let loose on all of the peons, mindless moronic, I've seen the tree tops.

The mountains one hell of a hike for your tiny legs, I flew up with one stretch of my mighty wings.

The beauty I've seen has covered the earth, while you eat and shit living off of the dirt.

I've found a way to make my words golden, you stand there holding your dog eaten homework,

Excuse me did I belittle you there? Fight back the shakes with the dog's early morning hair.

Alcoholic references that you couldn't understand, twelve more hours until I'm to drunk to stand.

I've met a girl of such dangerous looks, I soak up Medusa in my mythos books.

Her smile split me,ripped me in such utter twain, I catch her eyes as the moon wanes.

There is a heretic outside my soul, my body he does control, he urges me primal,

I hit denial, but her frame fills me with smiles, I've never seen the female form move with such elegance.

She robs me of all of my eloquence.

My mind sputters out visions of our romantic adventures,

from diapers to dentures.

This woman's frame I'll hold till I, am turned to dust by old man time.

She brings out my poet, my caveman, my stoic,

My words, my lust, will all combust and I will live for you if only you'd take me, I'd let your soul rape me.

I died on my boat.

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 05:36:41 GMT

I've been lost at sea for years now

I've finally found the words to tell you I love you.

These seagulls that I follow will never lead me to shore

The way my love led me away from your heart.

The whore, the liar, the thief they all exist in me,

and you will never know the bastard I've become,

Self loathing enlightened, piss, shit, terrifyingly frightened

The crows that peck my stomach have belly's as full as an alcoholic twenty something poet,

Did I break the fourth wall there?

For all my cleverness I could never find the right rock to turn over to find the female that understood my endeavours,

I'll come across as the bird pecking at any worm but I'm far from the early bird.

The early bird can have whatever worm he damn well pleases, but I need some sort of security in knowing she's right for me.

So when I put her in my mouth and make her squirm I know she's what I've been searching for.

Do you think that I'm pretty? The way I fly and I sing?

I've got some news I'm just a rat with wings.

I lap at puddles of alcohol, and then I'll hump at your leg, I'll bark and roll over for your attention then I'll bite your children.

I'm not a man or a werewolf, I'm a dog chasing cars,

I don't follow my men or my maps, I just follow the stars.

The ocean is deep and I'm shallow, my words ring true but they're hollow.

I'm an Olympic swimmer but I drown in my sorrow.

I'm Robin Hood my lust is an arrow, and your heart is my target.

I'm so smart that you forget, I will be your next regret.

The ships filling with water the men take your life boats but I've been going down long before this.

If you're my ship I'd glady go down with you. I put on my best outfit and I see you in yours.

Even though I'm sure to die I've never seen you look so good, alas my love your body's made of wood.

And I'm flesh blood and misery, so don't regret loving me it helps me as the water fills my lungs.

It's hard to see the tears in my eyes as the sea surrounds us and the bubbles flee my throat,

but I assure you I'm calling out your name through space and time I'll say that I was fine,

but I've always screamed your name.

You're my S.S. whatever

Goddamn I'm so clever.

Music and Liquor

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:50:22 GMT

Day by day things start to change

I regret feeling sorry about myself and my addiction

because the beer and the liquor got me on that self help shit quicker.

I don't need antidepressants if my minds so blurry it sings.

I can't wipe this smile off my face, you can keep hating while you sit in the same place.

This time next year I'm gunna be on that salary shit, while all you doubters start to quit,

your part time minimum wage jobs, you fucking uptight apple snobs.

I know you think my drinking brought me down.

My drinking kept me from a rope around my neck.

It kept a fire burning in my hearts fireplace.

It's the feeling that keeps me from drowning in sorrow

the feeling that lets me know there will be a tomorrow.

So fuck all your "I think you should quit drinking" knee jerk reactions.

Because my words are as loud as my actions.

As I pound these beers back, I pound on these keys and all you doubters will fall on your knees,

"oh please Kevin please, drinking is bad"

Tell that to my sober Bi-polar dad, whose mind got destroyed by dealing with you clones and your sermons for drones.

I'm not saying it's a means to an end, or giving excuse for me to depend,

but if I expect to see my own end before the clock strikes 12 on old Big Ben,

I'll be making sure to live my own way, regardless of what you pillpopping,weed smoking, hypocrites say.